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16th January 20071. Let Go - Frou Frou 2. Slip Sliding Away - Paul Simon 3. Jamie - Dashboard Confessional 4. Sour Times - Portishead 5. Now Get Out - Cybil Shepard 6. Fading - Baxter 7. Smoke - Natalie Imbruglia 8. Naive - Lily Allen 9. Never Alone - Barlow Girl 10. In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel 11. Black History Month (Remix) - Death From Above 12. Collapse - Sparta 13. Carla Bruni - Quelqu'un M'a Dit 15th January 2007Current Mood:
 sleepyCurrent Music: Only Hope - Mandy Moore
It's the one that I've tried to write over and over again I'm awake in the infinite cold But you sing to me over and over and over again Sing to me the song of the stars Of your galaxy dancing and laughing and laughing again When it feels like my dreams are so far Sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again I give you my destiny I'm giving you all of me I want your symphony Singing in all that I am At the top of my lungs I'm giving it back So I lay my head back down And I lift my hands and pray To be only yours I pray to be only yours I know now you're my only hope 14th January 2007I did absolutely nothing this weekend. I just sat in bed and watched tv.. not even motivated to go to the gym at all.. eventhough I had planned to go.. I just had no inititive to.. grr. Anyways.. today I decided I need to start buying some nice things for this fall.. so here is what I came up with: Opinions please! I am so torn! ( Read more... ) AND I REALLY WANT THIS.. But it's $312.. but it's leather, and I don't think it would ever go out of style.. and I'll take good care of it.. OH MAN I WANT THIS! ( Read more... ) 7th January 20072. Be on time @ work 3. Stop mumbling so much (I look like a fricken idiot when I do it.. SPEAK UP). 4. Save monies 5. Don't sleep in all day on the weekend, do something more useful with your time 6. Be a more attentive listener 7. Visit my family more often 8. Express and voice my feelings and opinions more often; Don't stew 9. Take vitamins 10. Drink more water 11. Be consistent with training/workouts (stress) 12. Don't procrastinate on the little things; Do things right away 13. Stop chewing my lips
4 wild childs - I am going to update more later, but I thought this would be sufficient as a first comeback post. :) 21st September 2005I am really going to go. And I am not going to wuss out on this one. I need to get past this eating disoerder bullshit, and these guys are specialists, so they know what they are doing. Much unlike my GP in Vancouver who just tossed me some anti-depressants and told me everything would be okay if I took them. Let's hope there is some progress made here 3rd July 2005Current Mood:
 chipperCurrent Music: Faking The Books - Lali Puna
I am going to keep posting in here more often! I think I'll also make a new lj-layout too saweeet 5th April 2005(The higher the allergy reaction number, the worse it is for me) Negative Foods: Apples (35) Banana (237) Beef(58) Brewer's Yeast (5) Broccolli (19) Carrot (7) Celery (1) Cheddar (67) Chicken (28) Egg White (70) Kidney Bean (44) Cow's Milk (446) Casein (28) Lactalbumin (253) Almond (76) Apricot (21) Asparagus (23) Avocado (23) Barley (26) Beet (19) Blueberry (23) Buckwheat (23) Cabbage (17) Coffee (54) Cranberry (35) Garlic (35) Squash (3) Cheese-American (187) Cheese-Cottage (276) Cheese-Mozzerella (69) Milk-Goat (109) Lamb (7) Clam (1) Oyster (21) 5th March 2005So then I go to work, and creep over to my Dad's office to see how he's doing, and sort of let him know that I know. And I ask him how he's feeling, and he doesn't have a clue as to what I am talking about. He tells me that his test came back negative, and that there would be a chance that he has diabetes, which is a whole lot better than have prostate cancer, and I know how it is like, being hypoglycemic, it's live able and treatable. But then I tell him my Mom said he had prostate cancer, and he said I wasn't listening properly. But she did say it.. and now they are making me out to be a fool. I really do not know what the hell is going on.. Is he in denial.. Is my mom a sociopath? :P I asked my Mom about it, and she said that she had said that there was a chance.. so.. Why did I leave with the impression that he did.. argh. They are still doing more tests and such to confirm everything. Ps. Parents. Don't tell your kids anything until you have CONFIRMED information. Now I sit here all panicked and worried 26th February 200522nd February 2005I was working out and got mad because the new tapes my mother gave me are for babies. I wanted a burn to kick my ass and take my stresses out. It just made me want to go outside and run, run.. run. My daily routines of waking up, going to work, coming home, and waiting for the hours to pass until I go to bed and re-live the whole things again the next day are really starting to get to me. I feel like a drone. But just five more months right? But then again, it could be another routine of wake up, class, study, bed.. but I think I'll have plenty more distractions and such to keep my mind busy and to shake things up. I should be doing that now here, but what the fuck would I do? I'm just gonna keep holding tight and get some sanity. 17th February 2005she's not changing her mind or backing off" Sooooooooooooo I will be living on-campus (save money by not moving any of my furniture, [as SAIT has furnished units] which will be staying at home for my sister to use, who will be moving into my apartment *tear* I'll be missing my caramel leather couches. But I guess once I finish school and have a real job, I'll be able to buy my own furniture and such and create my own little world and style instead of all my parent's stuff) My Dad said that I have to get a job (obviously), and he'll pickup the slack when I need it while I am at school, but once I finish, I am cut off and that's when life beings for me, and I am on my own. Fair deal to me. So yipee. It's all set it stone now :D Calgary ho for August! 16th February 2005I had a minor mishap when I was checking into the airport, for I had arrived less than twenty minutes before takeoff *gasp* The check-in lady told me there was a pretty awesome chance that my luggage might not make it with my plane because it had to go through the metal detectors and such, and had literally minutes to get there before the plane went buh-bye. Yessssssss! So I ran my little ass down to my departure gate, sans bags. They kept announcing "Last Boarding Call", then my own name, and I was starting to feel like I wouldn't make it in time. But I did, and got tsk'ed by the Attendents on the plane. Sorry for wanting to a sweet goodbye. And when I stood hopefully waiting for my luggage to slam down the belt in Vancouver, low and behold, there it was, with purple 'retard' tags on it. Gotta love WestJet. 9th February 2005Staying here: You can work part time. You can go to the gym when you want. You'd have financial support, your rent is already subsidized for you. You'd have your family close by to help out (groceries and other necessities). School is only 18 months, move to Calgary when you get your diploma. You can go visit friends when you have 'school breaks'. Moving: You'd be close to your friends. School is less money (doesn't matter you aren't paying) Moving expenses I'm sure it's going to be $1,000 + also rent & security dep. Living expenses. You would find it very difficult making ends meet, by working part time. You would go to school and work, you wouldn't have time for your friends. Part time won't be enough to survive on, 18 months is a long time when your struggling by. When you move like that you will be on your own, you don't have anything/anyone to fall back on. Unless you had a large 'nest egg' which you don't, then I wouldn't worry, but I am worried that you will just be struggling your way through this. Why stress out over this just do what is easiest. You won't be able to see much of your friends, you will be working or studying, so what's the use? Stay here where it will be much more comfortable for you. If they are good friends they will still be there when you finish school. If they aren't, then you could be making a big mistake. I'm not saying any of this to be mean, you know that, I really don't want to see you struggle. Wait until you get your diploma then you can easily find a job where you want to and moving will be well thought out not a spur of the moment thought. Look at cooking school, you were all set for that, what says you won't feel the same in a month or a week, what if you do change your mind? 8th February 2005I really don't understand why he gave me Paxil to begin with, because that INCREASED my appetite ..ie. triggering binging. Apparently Celexa makes me not crave sweet foods -> Link Sweet deal, since I am trying to stick low carb to keep my hypoglycemia (a result of binging) underwraps. 6th February 2005What do I like? What are my hobbies? My passions? 1st February 2005- No Caffeine - No Diet Pop - No Aspartame (Splenda is A-OK!) - Work out 4 days a week - Drink 3 Liters of water a day - Don't use my visa - Eat 1300 calories (and wisely) - Eat 50 grams of protein a day - Take my vitamins (l-glutamine, alpha lipoic acid, vitamin e, salmon oil, calcium + magnesium, chromium, coenzyme q10, cla, vitamin c, vitamin a drops, folic acid & multi vitamin) - Work at the office more on weekends for extra $ - Do pilates tape when I am feeling stressed - Read more 31st January 2005I drank lemon tea to get the chocolate taste out of my mouth so I'd stop thinking about it. Damn this is hard. I decided to bump up my caloric intake to 1350, because obviously 1200 isn't enough if I already having thoughts of binging. But I'm still right on track.. just no afternoon snack for me. 28th January 2005I am putting steps towards stopping the binging. I bought a book from Chapters today. The Book This is such a huge thing for me to admit. But I really do need help. I went to my doctor on Thursday, and I hinted somethings, and he prescribed me some antidepressants, which I think could potentially help me from feeling so lonely, depressed and sad. He also said that me moving to Calgary could be beneficial since I have a support group already in place, and I would be out of my isolation. I live a sad, sad, sad life here. It really disgusts me. Probably why I binge, to numb out the fact that my life here is so sad. BUT ENOUGH DEPRESSING STUFF. I hate being emo. There I go trying to ignore the fact that something is wrong.. Oh well. I told my mom about this, and she said I should just come out and tell my doctor I have an actual eating disorder and not just random binging. But I am terrified that I could be hospitalized, or monitored, or something along those lines. Since I've have this book, I think it will help me and I would be able to do this on my own if I stay open and honest with everyone around me, and keep things under tabs with myself. So, starting tomorrow I am keeping a diary journal on this, writing down what I ate, at what time, and how I felt when I ate.. as so it says in the book. But am I just kidding myself and setting myself up for failure? Is it worth it to just let go and tell him? oh what ta do 11th January 2005Calgary was fucking awesome, minus the nosebleeds and me falling in the snow. But all had their own comedic effect, and I'm all about the laughs *tear* Joey is coming in 10 days. My Dad keeps bugging me about this mystery boy from Calgary, so he will be meeting my parents while he is here. He is going to bring Napoleon Dynamite with him.. saweet. Going to Calgary again Feb 11th-15th, for Sarah's Belated Birthday + Valentine's Day weee 21st December 2004Only 9 more days now, not long at all. I guess it's good that I am getting all psyched now instead of at day 40 Bake Day @ the office today.. and I got another box of chocolates I feel like it's a diet conspiracy.. haha.. I have at least 4 unopened boxes sitting underneathe my desk. I am bringing them with me when I do and dumping them on Angus as a thanks for letting me stay there for a couple day 17th December 2004-> Hands Down Mp3 <- 15th December 2004Current Mood:
cheerfulSo, Plans of going to SAIT were almsot killed by my blondeness. I thought they only had a sort of bare-minimum course, but they actually have more upgrades in the Continuing Education thinger after I finish the Dental Assisting program. Excellent. I almost thought that all my hard work in convincing my dad/etc of me going to Calgary for school (ie. cheaper..) would be shot to shit. Lucky me :D ..I got my car fund money from my grandpa since I won't be driving anytime soon. Plane tickets, clothes and frozen dinner paradise, here I come.. I just hope I am not too reckless with the money. It didn't help matters any more when I got my enormous paycheck today which officially took me out of the poor hole.. I will not spend too much money.. I will not spend too much money 16 days til NYE in Calgary.. I'm pretty excited.. I'm actually looking more forward to that than Xmas.. a strange change of character for me. 9th October 2004They should just fire Christine, at work all day all she does in draw or write in her sketch book or she plays games on the computer, and I bust my ass and work overtime just to prove that I'm not like my sister. I told my dad about this, and he was pretty upset about because Angie didn't even tell him/or discuss this with him.. so he said he is going to try and work something out, and it totally kills me because two days before Angie tells us this, I had sent my Dad an action plan on what/how/when I want to go to Calgary for school and that I wanted to save a nice little chunk of money to move there and to get myself settled. I am just so frustrated right now. :( I am cancelling my cable service and may get rid of my cell phone so that I can scrap more money together for Calgary, cause I want to get there earlier instead of waiting for trust fund approval. I'd rather move to Calgary asap and find a full-time job there and go to school instead of stay here, stay working under Angie and find a waste of time part-time job. I swear that girl just wants to get me.. 2nd August 2004Whazzap witchall? |
What A Day To Take To A Wild Child